Alkyd, acrylic and pen & ink on masonite – 12″ x 15″
“Schizophrenia” was the first painting I did expressing the feelings I had when the repressed memories of abuse began to haunt me, trying to force it’s way into consciousness and affecting my sense of who I was. This often left me with a feeling of disconnection with almost everything, including myself.
I integrated the feeling of “cobwebs in the brain” through the pen-and-ink work in this painting. While yellow is normally a cheerful color, in this instance it signifies a jaundiced perspective and a brightness that feels overwhelming. Blue, as a normally peaceful and calming color, is found in the tenuous strands in the center of the painting, somehow vague and fleeting, as was my greatly desired peace-of-mind. During difficult times, our perspective is often distorted, as is demonstrated in the blurred portrait with a hazy phantom eye beneath the more solid eye that represents my real self, never totally lost though sometimes temporarily forgotten.
Abuse Series Index
- Anti-Social Behavior
- I'm Afraid
- Feeding Frenzy
- I was Innocent
- Pain & Isolation
- Hurt Hate
- Grandpa, Why was I Sacrificed for You?
- Childhood Broken
- Before & After
- Broken Toy Broken Child
- Struggling to Emerge
- You Made the Colors of My World Bleed
- Still Some Garbage But It's Getting Better
- Blue Angel - Reclaiming My Childhood
- Always Smiling, Always Hidden
- The Premonition Had a Relapse
- The Premonition Dreamt It was a Child